Ep. 307 - Don't Underestimate Yourself
Christine Hobson retired at 60. Two days later, she ran her first marathon.
She has run more than 100 since. Every continent. A world record in Antarctica. And when she describes it, she does not lead with the marathons. She leads with what the first one taught her: she had been underestimating herself the whole time.
That is the topic this week.
We do this as humans. We try something, it does not go well, and we file it away as evidence. Enough of those and we start building a case against ourselves. I hear it constantly when I suggest pickleball to somebody. I'm too old. I'm too out of shape. I'm too late. Fill in the blank.
There is a second story in the episode that lands the same point from a different angle. A woman on a date says, almost by accident, that in another universe she would be a stand-up comedian. She had never said it out loud before. Her date asks the obvious question back: why not in this universe? She gave him the list of reasons. He kept peeling them back. She became a stand-up comedian.
So here is the pickleball version. You have a picture of yourself out on the court. The player who sees the game better, who puts the ball where they meant to put it, who feels good walking on. If that player is a 3.5 and you are a 2.5, there is nothing structural stopping you. Not tomorrow. Maybe not in six months. But in eighteen months, with a clear plan and a clear sense of what you are working on, absolutely.
To be sure, some things really do impede you. Bad information impedes you. Bad guidance impedes you. Coming at the game from a purely technical angle, where you need to know the exact paddle angle and exactly where each toe points, impedes you, because that is not how the brain learns to play. Those are real.
Everything else on your list, you put there.
And to be clear, none of this is a directive. Nobody needs to reach a level. If you are happy playing exactly the way you play now, that is a fine place to be. But if there is a version of you out ahead that you actually want, do not be the one blocking the path.
**The riff: two ways to handle adversity**
Missing a shot is an adverse event. Small on the scale of adversity, but real inside the game.
First situation. My partner and I are stacked. The return of serve comes back hard, with spin, into the far corner. He has to cover a lot of ground and hit a very difficult backhand. He catches the top of the net. Good effort, hard shot, no issue.
He apologizes. I tell him there is nothing to apologize for, that it was a great return and a tough ask from that position, and that I am not upset. He apologizes again. Then he says it: I shouldn't miss that.
He processed it the same way today that he processed it a few years ago. It is a loop, and it costs him something every time.
Second situation. Last game of the day, court one, score somewhere in the fours, evenly matched. My focus wandered off. I do not know where it went, but it left. I missed a few shots I do not normally miss.
I could have hunkered down and demanded that focus come back. But there is no switch to flip. Ebbs and flows in attention are the most natural thing in the world. They happen to full-time professional athletes in every sport.
So I told my partner: pick me up, I'll be back in a few minutes. And I was. We lost that game, but we tightened it up and made it competitive down the stretch.
Same category of event. Two very different relationships with it. The second one gives you a calmer mind, and a calmer mind sees the court better and hits the next ball better. That is not a soft benefit. That is the mechanism.
**Extra coaching tip**
Notice who your partner is apologizing to. When a player says sorry after a difficult miss, they are usually not apologizing to you. They are apologizing to the version of themselves who was supposed to make that shot. That is why reassurance from you does not land. You cannot answer an expectation you did not set.
What you can do is name the difficulty of the shot out loud, once, and then move on to the next point with your own body language completely neutral. You are not arguing with their standard. You are just declining to feed it.
Be well,
Tony
She has run more than 100 since. Every continent. A world record in Antarctica. And when she describes it, she does not lead with the marathons. She leads with what the first one taught her: she had been underestimating herself the whole time.
That is the topic this week.
We do this as humans. We try something, it does not go well, and we file it away as evidence. Enough of those and we start building a case against ourselves. I hear it constantly when I suggest pickleball to somebody. I'm too old. I'm too out of shape. I'm too late. Fill in the blank.
There is a second story in the episode that lands the same point from a different angle. A woman on a date says, almost by accident, that in another universe she would be a stand-up comedian. She had never said it out loud before. Her date asks the obvious question back: why not in this universe? She gave him the list of reasons. He kept peeling them back. She became a stand-up comedian.
So here is the pickleball version. You have a picture of yourself out on the court. The player who sees the game better, who puts the ball where they meant to put it, who feels good walking on. If that player is a 3.5 and you are a 2.5, there is nothing structural stopping you. Not tomorrow. Maybe not in six months. But in eighteen months, with a clear plan and a clear sense of what you are working on, absolutely.
To be sure, some things really do impede you. Bad information impedes you. Bad guidance impedes you. Coming at the game from a purely technical angle, where you need to know the exact paddle angle and exactly where each toe points, impedes you, because that is not how the brain learns to play. Those are real.
Everything else on your list, you put there.
And to be clear, none of this is a directive. Nobody needs to reach a level. If you are happy playing exactly the way you play now, that is a fine place to be. But if there is a version of you out ahead that you actually want, do not be the one blocking the path.
**The riff: two ways to handle adversity**
Missing a shot is an adverse event. Small on the scale of adversity, but real inside the game.
First situation. My partner and I are stacked. The return of serve comes back hard, with spin, into the far corner. He has to cover a lot of ground and hit a very difficult backhand. He catches the top of the net. Good effort, hard shot, no issue.
He apologizes. I tell him there is nothing to apologize for, that it was a great return and a tough ask from that position, and that I am not upset. He apologizes again. Then he says it: I shouldn't miss that.
He processed it the same way today that he processed it a few years ago. It is a loop, and it costs him something every time.
Second situation. Last game of the day, court one, score somewhere in the fours, evenly matched. My focus wandered off. I do not know where it went, but it left. I missed a few shots I do not normally miss.
I could have hunkered down and demanded that focus come back. But there is no switch to flip. Ebbs and flows in attention are the most natural thing in the world. They happen to full-time professional athletes in every sport.
So I told my partner: pick me up, I'll be back in a few minutes. And I was. We lost that game, but we tightened it up and made it competitive down the stretch.
Same category of event. Two very different relationships with it. The second one gives you a calmer mind, and a calmer mind sees the court better and hits the next ball better. That is not a soft benefit. That is the mechanism.
**Extra coaching tip**
Notice who your partner is apologizing to. When a player says sorry after a difficult miss, they are usually not apologizing to you. They are apologizing to the version of themselves who was supposed to make that shot. That is why reassurance from you does not land. You cannot answer an expectation you did not set.
What you can do is name the difficulty of the shot out loud, once, and then move on to the next point with your own body language completely neutral. You are not arguing with their standard. You are just declining to feed it.
Be well,
Tony