[00:00:05.020] - Tony Roig
Hello and welcome to Pickleball Therapy, the podcast dedicated to your pickleball improvement. I hope you're having a great week. This week, we're going to tackle a very interesting subject. It's a subject that's near and dear to my heart. It's actually a difficult subject to try and get our arms around because the other side of the argument is so pervasive, as you'll see. I think you have a lot of reactions to this episode, I believe, because it's a very difficult area, again, to navigate successfully. But it's an area that I believe if we navigate it successfully, we'll develop much healthier engagement with this sport as well as other activities that we engage with in life. If you've had a chance to read some of the book we just published, Pickleball Therapy, the Book. The conversation in there about the lizard brain is particularly relevant to what we're talking about today. I'm not going to dive into the lizard brain too much, but if you've read the book and you understand those pieces that are just hardwired into these hardwired circuits, you'll hear how some of the language that we use to talk about success in sports emanates from this way that we're wired.

[00:01:29.220] - Tony Roig
Here's the thing, we're actually just wired this way. It's difficult to overcome it, but you can because your ascension being, you have a very powerful brain, and you can use that brain to work through some of these words that you hear, ideas that will be expressed that at first blush, you're like, Oh, yeah, that makes sense. But then once you'd go a little deeper, you're like, Wait a minute. Maybe it's not everything that it sounds at the outset. As we dive into the episode, I wanted to let you know that the book is available. It's available right now in a digital delivery, which is a PDF, but you can get an early copy of it. If you'd rather wait for a paperback edition or a Kindle edition, those will be coming out shortly. But I highly recommend the book to you. The folks who've read it so far, it's really resonated with them. I think it's having an impact, and we wrote it for that purpose to help you with your perspective in the sport. You can go to betterpickleball.com and there's a link on top, so you can get that if that's something of interest to you.

[00:02:42.920] - Tony Roig
Also, I want to let you know that we've just added a whole bunch of camps to our camp schedule. We have one in December here. The ones that I'm talking about are in Florida. There's a couple in Arizona in February that CJ is going to do out there. It'll be really good if you're out West Coast or want to visit Arizona or want to see CJ. Those are all three great reasons to sign up for those camps. If you want to come to the East Coast and to Tampa, particularly over the winter months, we have some December, January, February, and March, I believe, dates. If you are a If you've been to a camp before or if you've been to TPS student for a couple of rotations, you can come to the graduate camp if you choose to do so. We have our Better Pickleball camp, which basically covers a ton of pickleball using the pickleball system concepts, and then the graduate camp, which is available if you've been to one of our camps already, because we go deeper. You always keep on going deeper in this part, as you know. All right, let me tee this up for you.

[00:03:42.600] - Tony Roig
This came from one of our students named Craig. Craig, really appreciate you sending this in. This is in our Better Pickleball community, our online community. It's a learning mindset, and it talks about, basically, I'll paraphrase it for you, but it's about listening and reading to our views on having a learning mindset and not getting too down on yourself, learning plateaus, expecting not to master new things right away, don't judge how you're playing based on whether you're going to lose, all of those things. And it rang a bell with Craig, right? So that's good. We're making a connection on this. It's registering, which is great. But there's the pushback, not from Craig directly, but from what's around him. So he watched a video on Netflix about the Dallas Cowboys in the early '90s and quarterbacks today. And then basically, the documentary was all about the win-win-win mentality that surrounds that world. So quotes like, You're no better than your win-loss records as you are. A good loser is a loser. I strive for perfection all the time. I realize I probably will not achieve perfection, but if I fall short, my play will be excellent. Winning is great, losing sucks.

[00:05:02.300] - Tony Roig
I want my teammates all accountable or called out when they don't play well. And then he says, I'm not advocating that we do any of this or suggesting that your advice is not sound, but he wants to basically... How do you reconcile these positions? You're hearing from me a message that says, Do your best. Improve. Continue to advance your game. I'm not saying you to throw in the towel when you're playing or go out on the court and say you're going to lose, but you lose. That's a fact. If you're playing at level, you're going to lose at a 50/50 proposition. So what we're trying to work is, how do we blend those two ideas of, I'm still going to compete and give my best, but at the same time, I understand that losing is a part of this, and I'm not going to bring myself down too much because of a loss that happens, which again, will happen when you play. What's interesting about this, and again, I already thank you, Craig, but thanks for framing this, is this is something that I've been wrestling with for a number of years, trying to find the right way to explain what I would suggest you as a more balanced, a more rational way of engaging with the sport, including how we go into it and then how we respond to it on the other end, when we're done with the day of playing or a tournament, or anything else that you're doing.

[00:06:30.940] - Tony Roig
When you want to have your results, how do you deal with those inputs? Missing shots, popping the ball up, all these things. How do we deal with that as we navigate through pickleball? The quotes that I read to you, the ones that Craig included in this comment, what's interesting is it's basically how we, as a society and as individuals, have chosen to frame Athletic performance, sport, engagement with sport. It's basically shorthand. It's quick hitters, things like a good loser, still a loser, losing sucks, right? And they stick. They're easy. And this is where the Lizard Our brain latches on to that and goes, Yeah, can't lose. Losing bad. Let's move on. And we're hardwired that way, as I mentioned earlier. But we're still sentient beings, possessed with the ability to examine these sound bites, to see if they make sense. So what What I'm going to do in this episode is I'm going to walk through some different ideas, some different ways of perhaps exposing some of the weaknesses in these types of sound bites, and then see if these resonate with you and help you perhaps avoid some of the instant gratification of you, the instant feeling of like, Yeah, that makes sense.

[00:07:53.340] - Tony Roig
When we hear something like... Basically, it's the Ricky Bobby idea, right? Either your first place or your last place. Those are the two choices, which there's another one that I've heard that says basically, second place is still a loser, basically, in the whole tournament, because you didn't win. So by definition, you're a loser, which I'm going to get that in a little bit when we talk about the baseball this season, because I was going to include it in the RIF, but I decided to bake it into the episode itself. But we'll get to that in a second. So let's talk about first, let's look at this thing. Let's look at the phrases in terms of, does saying or thinking these words, does it help you? There's a natural suggestion in here, and Craig intimates this in his comment, which is basically that it must help because the winners are saying So the successful quarterback, the successful team, the successful player is saying, well, winning is first or last. It's I got to win, basically. So it must work. But Think about that for a second. What do you think the losing team in those contests said to themselves?

[00:09:09.320] - Tony Roig
What do you think the losing player in a tennis match or in a pickleball match or in a contest said to him or herself? Probably the same words, same exact words. This is not exclusive to the winners are saying these things. They're all saying these things. It just happens that some of those are winning because you're going to have a winner and a loser. So if both the winner the winner and the loser are saying abracadabra, and then the winner wins, it doesn't mean that abracadabra was the key to the winner winning, because the loser also said abracadabra. So there's no real relationship between the words that are being said and the results that results are we getting. So when both the winner and the loser are saying the same thing, then we probably shouldn't draw any causal connection between this type of mentality, these type of words, and the success of one of the sides Because, again, the other side, the losing side, said the exact same thing. So that's one way of maybe thinking about this in terms of... Because we're assigning value to it, to these words, because they're being shared with us by the winner.

[00:10:16.320] - Tony Roig
But the loser said the same thing. So it probably doesn't have the effect that we think it does. So next thing, second is, what do the words really say? What are we really saying when we say these things? So there's that one I'm saying you're no better than your win-loss record says you are. Now, this is classical circular reasoning. Now, a win-loss record, so I've won 20 games and lost five games or whatever it is, is a data set. So it's fact. It's just the thing. I've won this many and lost this many. So to say that your record cannot be better or worse than whatever the numbers are, not really saying anything. It's just circular. Regular. But here's the tricky part. Here's where I think it gets a little bit... It's what we're interpreting it. So what we're saying is we're reading into it. We're not reading record, which is what it says. You're no better than your win-loss record. We're reading it as we, as humans, as athletes, are no better than our win-loss record. Now, I don't know about you, but I don't plan on reducing my existence on this planet or my engagement with the sport of pickleball into a data set of wins and losses, particularly not when if you understand the reality of the sport at pretty much every level of play, except at the extreme top or extreme bottom, I guess.

[00:11:43.540] - Tony Roig
But let's focus on the extreme top because that's what we're talking about here. I'm not talking about here, but at most levels of play, it's 50/50. So you should have eventually 2022 wins and 1,999 Define losses, roughly 50/50, right? Or maybe the tell me around. Still be 50/50, roughly. So it's no reason to define yourself based on this 50/50. It doesn't make any sense. So the first thing is to say you're definitely a better person than just a number in terms of wins and losses in a pickleball. It doesn't define you, and it doesn't even define you as a pickleball player. So do this for a second, right? Think for a second about the 50th best pro in pickleball, man or woman, right? Pick him or her. 50th best pro in the tour, okay? Now, is that player an amazing pickleball player? Just an outstanding pickleball athlete? I think so, right? They're amazing. An amazing pickleball player. Now, their pro record is not going to be great. Their pro record, their PPA Tour tournament record, is probably going to be under 50 % wins. Probably. Does that make them not a good pickleball player?

[00:13:13.080] - Tony Roig
I mean, that's just nonsense, right? That the 50th best pickleball player on the planet is not a good pickleball player because they have a losing record doesn't make any sense to me. And this leads into the third one, which is, are Are we living in an environment now? We're going to set ourselves up for an environment where satisfaction is reserved for one player? Now, you can look at it like one player in the world, if you want to look at it that way, because no matter who you are, there's a better player than you unless your name is Ben Johns as a male player or Analee Waters as a female player. There's some sub-neiches in singles and stuff. But in doubles, unless your name is one of those two names, they're better players than you. Okay? And so that's a world in which there's only one player on the men's side and one player on the women's side that can look in the mirror and go like, I am what my win-loss record says, the best, right? And even if you look at it in terms of your community or your tournaments and stuff like that, it's just such a limiting way of playing and engaging with the sport, I would say, where there has to be only one.

[00:14:24.520] - Tony Roig
It's either I win everything or there's a problem, I guess, right? There's a deficiency in me and my pickleball. Here's where I wanted to talk a little bit about baseball, because I happen to be following the Mariners in the playoffs, not because I'm a big baseball fan, but a good friend of mine, Jim Ramsey, who's the data analyst at the PPA. He and I were chatting about pickleball statistics and things like that. I knew his background was in doing baseball statistics, so I just asked him, was it the beginning of the play? I'm like, Who you got? He's like, he didn't say the Dodgers are probably going to be the team to beat, so he may still be right about that. But then I asked him, Okay, give me He goes, You know what? I think the Maritors. He goes, the Mariner's are an interesting story based on their history, based on Cal, based on all these things. And so they had some tough battles, and they made it through to the conference series, I think it's called in baseball. And they lost in the deciding seventh game against the Toronto Bluejays, who rolled the New York Yankees, historically powerhouse team.

[00:15:28.340] - Tony Roig
So tough. And they lost like 4-3 in the seventh game. That's about as good as it gets. If you think about it, go to seven games, you have to play them at home because they had a better record during the season, and you lose four to three in their home in the seventh game, and you get knocked out. And the way that in the interview with the catcher Cal was that it was a failure. And that's unfortunate. It doesn't mean you have to be happy about not... You wanted to win, right? And you were doing your best to try and win that game, as were the Blue Jays. And the cookie didn't crumble in that way in that game. And so you lost 4-3 against a very good team. And I think feeling it being a failure To me, it's unfortunate because it robs the player of a bigger perspective of what happened. Again, it doesn't mean you have to be like, I got everything I wanted, but can't we have, going back to the bowl of ice cream, that idea. Man, you made it. You're one of four teams left standing at the end of the season.

[00:16:37.780] - Tony Roig
Every other team is at home watching you, I guess, or doing whatever they're doing, right? So you're one of four teams, actually three teams at that stage because the Dodgers already eliminated. I think it was the Brewers. So you had the two teams left in your conference that you were playing, you and the Blue Jays, and you lose in the seventh game. I mean, that's phenomenal. Phenomenal applause to you for your great season and a great payoff. But again, capping that as a failure to me, it's unfortunate. It's unfortunate that these young athletes are trained to process that way because it doesn't change anything. It's not like if he understood things, had a little bit of perspective, a little broader perspective. It's not like they're not going to play their hearts out. It's not like they're not going to do their best to win. But at the moment of losing that game, those athletes enter in a better position to process that information more constructively and not feel so negative about what was objectively a great season for him and the team. Anyway, that's just a better way of thinking about it than just preserving it for this idea that there's only one player who's entitled to feel good about themselves because they're the only ones that, I guess, nobody can beat.

[00:17:50.140] - Tony Roig
Let's go back a minute to the words meaning something and talk about winning is great, losing... I think it's losing sucks or losing still sucks. Think about that for a second, too. It sounds awesome. Winning is great, losing sucks. But what are we talking about? Take a 4-5 team against a 3-5 team, and the 4-5 team wins. Is that winning great and losing, sucking? Winning great for the 4-5 team, losing second for the 3-5 team? I think the answer is no on both sides. So it just doesn't really add anything. And then you go back to the 50-50 win-loss ratio. And if you have this idea that winning is great and losing sucks, then you're going to feel great half the time and suck half the time, I guess. That's just not a way that I want to engage in the sport, and I don't think that really makes sense if you think about it. Why not instead frame your performance, how you played, based on how you played? Not the results, but how you played. Did you give your best? Did you try your best when you were playing out there? That doesn't mean you made every shot.

[00:18:54.740] - Tony Roig
That's nonsense, because even the best players miss a lot of shots. It's just instead Instead of looking at it like, I won, so I feel good, I lose, so I feel bad, it's, I played to my ability and how I felt that day and everything else within a range that I'm good with, whatever the results are, the results are. No big deal, as opposed to pinning so much on the results. Because, again, winning is great, losing sucks, doesn't really add anything to the conversation, from my perspective, other than just sounding cool and a little sound bite. Then, fifth, I want to talk about the words here. They We get some conflation going on here, and I want to use one in particular here about teammate accountability. So the phrase was, I want my teammates, quote, held accountable or, quote, called out when they don't play well. So I want my teammates held accountable or called out when they don't play well. Now, to me, what this means, and here's what I think this means, and what it should mean, even if it doesn't, is I want my teammates to give their all. I want my teammate to give their best effort in that contest.

[00:20:06.320] - Tony Roig
I'm going to give my best effort. I want my teammate to do so, whether we're playing on a five-person basketball team, 11-person football side, nine players, I'm pretty sure, on baseball, or two players in a doubles pickleball court. And as long as the effort is there, it's not the result, guys. And it shouldn't be the result because your partner is going to miss shots, and you are going to miss shots. So if you evaluate it based on you missed a shot, then it's not going to be constructive. If you frame it based on, Hey, you didn't even go for the shot. You didn't even go for the ball, then that's a different conversation. I'll give you one example. There are times when you'll see players who there's a ball that's popped up by a teammate, and their partner will just give up. Will basically put their paddle down or turn around. Okay, Okay, you want to have a word with your partner then? I have no problem with that. But if the ball's popped up and your partner is trying their best to dig it out and they don't dig it out or they don't control it, what's their complaint about?

[00:21:11.500] - Tony Roig
Even if you generate a pop-up by your opponent and your partner goes to get it and just misses the shot, you think they were trying to miss the shot? Nothing to get upset about there. And that's where there's a conflation between, I want my teammates held accountable or called out when they don't play well. What we're talking about there is the effort given, not the result. And that's where the conflation comes in. And what I wrote down here, a note that I wrote down here, is that if you're playing in a competitive setting, so you signed up for a tournament, you've agreed to play with someone in a tournament or in a league, something a series like that, then you and your partner should each expect the other to give your best because you've signed up for that. I don't think it's the same standard when you're an open player, rec player, having a nice time on the pickleball court. I think that's a different world. But if you're playing competitively and you've agreed to do it, you've said, I'll sign up for a tournament with you, then I think it's reasonable for your partner to expect the best of you to give your best and for you to expect them to give their best.

[00:22:09.020] - Tony Roig
So I think that's pretty reasonable, but it's not based on results again or winning the rallies. And this now gets us to this proper framing that I think is a better way to couch your thinking about yourself as a player rather than in getting away from this, winning is great losing sucks, or any of those types of ideas, is that the way that an athlete at any level, whether at your level or at the highest pro level, succeeds is through their process. It's not because of some magic words that they say or repeat, like Abracadabra, or I'm going to win, or whatever. That's not how the athletes ultimately are successful. They're successful because of process. They're successful because they know how to do the things that are necessary to play their sport and perform in their arena well. And the better they get at that process, the better they perform, and the better they perform, the higher the chance that they win. Kobe Bryant was one of the best basketball players of all time, and there was this thing called the Mamba mentality. They call him the Black Mamba. The The Mamba mentality was basically like, he's a killer.

[00:23:33.880] - Tony Roig
He's getting the zone, and he does his thing, and whatever. But here's the thing. The Mamba mentality wasn't just some words that he repeated to himself and got into the zone or something like that. The Mamba mentality was about him getting up at 4: 00 in the morning, going to the gym, and practicing harder than any other player on the team, even when he was the star of the team. That's how he developed the Mamba mentality, because he had thrown up so many shots that he knew that when he threw up the shot the way he wanted to throw it up, it was going to go in. Had a high chance of going in. That's how he performed at a high level, not because of some voodoo words that he was uttering to himself. That doesn't make any sense. And so process and giving your best, it's how you improve. It's through process and just trying your hardest. Giving your best, that's how you improve. And that's how you give yourself the best chance for success when you're out there on the pickleball court. And if you go out there and you give your best and you still lose, that does not suck.

[00:24:41.500] - Tony Roig
That is just a natural part of the sport that you have chosen to play, the sport that you've chosen to fall in love with. And it's frankly the part of any sport that's competitive in nature that you will ever play. And it is nothing more than that, and it's nothing less than that. It's simply you giving your best and winning or losing is the result of that process. Period. Full stop. So hopefully this helps, Craig, and helps you better process this information that you receive from society, it's unavoidable. It's out there. Most of the books that I see about the mental side of, not just pickleball, the mental side of sport, most of the words that you hear, like the ones that Craig shared with us from that Netflix documentary, are all couched in terms of, We congratulate you if you won. We don't have anything to say to you, or You should feel disappointed or failure if you lose. And there's no other option. I believe that as, again, sentient human beings with rational minds, we can find a way to navigate sport that is healthier for you, more constructive, and does not take away from your competitive fire, your wanting to give it all and to do the best you can every time you step out on the pickleball court.

[00:26:13.360] - Tony Roig
I know we went a little bit long on this podcast, but this is a subject that merited some additional discussion, some additional consideration. I hope you enjoyed this episode. Remember to check out the book. If you're so inclined, go to betterpickleball.com. We'll put a link down in the show notes, too. But if you go to betterpickleball.com, you'll see it up at the top. I believe there's a button you can click on there. And remember to rate and review the podcast if you have a moment. And as always, share it with your friends, because if you enjoy the podcast, they probably will, too. I hope you have a great week, and I'll see you on the next episode of Pickleball Therapy. Be well.